I suppose I should believe it to be entirely inconsequential that I am writing this note. We will all die. That I know is a certainty, and whether it be tomorrow or in 70 years is entirely in the Lord’s hands. This note, like all else in cyberspace, will be forgotten. And as quickly as it was posted, it will be gone. However, what is consequential is my conversion to the Catholic faith.
I was born and raised in a baptist home, attending a baptist church, and every summer attending a baptist youth camp. At the age of 5 or 6, I asked Jesus into my heart. I don’t remember asking Jesus into my heart very well; too young to do so. I remember my family being ecstatic about it. I also remember being baptized, although I couldn’t see anything because I had to remove my glasses for it. As I continued in the baptist church I surrendered my life to the Lord at youth camp, not knowing what that meant entirely however. Most people believed it meant I would either become a missionary or a pastor, and I assumed I would as well. By high school I was beginning to second guess the baptist faith and the doctrines therein. I questioned it’s obedience to the flag, I questioned it’s unsound doctrine, I questioned it’s lackadaisical liturgy.
So began my studying of theology, naturally the first progression for anyone thinking they are wise is calvinism. Obsessing over the 5 points, I memorized scripture, listened to debates, read books upon books over calvinism, and eventually came to the conclusion that I was chosen to study calvinism because I was elect. While studying calvinism though in high school I began to also read some of Augustine. After all, calvinists love to quote Augustine. I began to attend irregularly a reformed presbyterian church but felt it lacking in liturgy and switched to the RPCNA, where they practiced the exclusive psalmsody as well as some recited prayers. I fell in love with the sit and kneel of the dutch reformed and wanted more and more. I craved high church liturgy. I felt a draw towards the Catholic church but as a recent convert from baptist to reformed (the two mortal enemies of the Catholic), I could not bring myself to study much of it. I eventually fell disenchanted with the scholarly pretentious attitude of the calvinists around me and pushed myself away.
I decided that it was my time to leave public school and 2 days before the first day of my senior year I changed to a private christian school nearby, Maranatha Christian Academy. What a mistake that was… What I encountered here was so similar to public school that I became disgusted with Christianity in general. I never disagreed with Christianity, nor did I ever claim it was incorrect; I do not want the reader to misunderstand. I simply became nauseated by the thought of Christians. All along the walls of the school were posters of “Relationship not Religion” and “Love, Not Judgment”, and other silly phrases that the postmodernist hipster Christians would use. But guess what, they got to me.
By the end of my senior year I was a bonafide postmodern nondenominational communist liberal christian. I attended, shortly albeit, a nondenominational church, and enjoyed the freedom of wearing shorts to church. But can you blame me? Who doesn’t want to drink espresso while wearing a ‘Jesus is my homeboy’ t-shirt and shaking like a Polaroid picture to the influence of the Holy Ghost.
It didn’t take me long to come back full swing to my old arrogant ways of high church and this time I was back in force. I began to again, feel the draw of the Catholic church on my heart… I purchased pictures online of classical catholic icons and saints, but just told myself they were nothing more than art. I couldn’t give into temptation! I kept studying the presbyterian faith while searching for something with more liturgy even, and found myself wandering towards the Lutheran church. I arrived at the lutheran church less than a year ago, give or take a few months. I visited a couple different churches but just did not feel like it was where I needed to be. I couldn’t escape the Catholic Church’s grasp any longer.
It was time to go to some of my old friends for advice. It would have behooved the reader if I would have mentioned earlier that during my stay in the calvinist faith I was active on xanga condemning homosexuals to eternal suffering. Xanga was no longer active though at this point, subsequently, I came to facebook to meet back up with friends and to my amazement they had split theologically right down the middle. Some converted to Eastern Orthodoxy, but most converted to Catholic; what a truly amazing moment it was to see this. That is that all of us, with the exception of a few staunch “truly reformed” folk, had all made our pilgrimage to the faith of the ancients. I knew now that I needed to study the Catholic faith, but even more so, I felt at ease that I could finally study what I had so longed for.
Still convinced of the reformed faith, just wanting a higher liturgy, I got a book recommendation from everyone I could, most notably Mark Burns, who provided me with a plethora of reading, which I still have not finished. Gradually, the Lord began to crumble the walls of theology I had built around myself over the years and I decided I had to experience the church. I began attending the SSPX local to myself “St. Vincent de Paul” and fell in love instantaneously.
I felt at home.
The women there were dressed modestly! Not one without a head covering! The families were large and the children, no matter how young, tried their hardest to genuflect on their way into the pew. The entire congregation recited prayers, sat, stood, and knelt simultaneously; everyone revered the sanctuary as a holy place.
I knew Rome was where I was intended to be all along, but what a backwards way of bringing me to the Catholic faith, Lord. I am continuing studying in the Catholic faith, but the climactic ending is that I am in catechism class. Emily and I, are both attending the local FSSP and are in catechism class together with my friend Eric, who is also converting to the Catholic faith; Praise God! We are on schedule to be confirmed by Easter.
Now, if you have made it this far through the note I apologize for wasting your time. This is not even what this note was meant to be originally, this is just what came off the top of my mind. I promise everyone that is reading this though a follow-up note on a few of my issues with the protestant faith, as well as a few of my loves for the Catholic faith. Along with those I will also be writing a few of the things that I have seen within literature that even more so solidify my positions in the Catholic church. Also, please forgive my numerous grammatical and spelling errors. It’s 3:27 am and far beyond my bed time.